If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have fence marks all over my body
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
