If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize