the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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