It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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