Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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