he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
