I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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