I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
