he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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