Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
