I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
