I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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