Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
