Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
