Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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