I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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