I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
