Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
