considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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