i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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