How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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