her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
