i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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