I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
