dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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