To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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