Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
