i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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