Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
