What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
