sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
