Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
