fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
