look no pants
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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