Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
