Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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