the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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