We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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