Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
