I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
