i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
