Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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