Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
