making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
