called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
