I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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