you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
