Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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