Your tits are I can't wait for
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
