I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
