So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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