youre lurking in front of me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
