hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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