1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
