I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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