thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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