Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
