You just made me feel so damn special
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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